The night before the trip I was laying on the bed, staring into the darkness with my eyes wide open. Our lives reached a turning point, and I knew I had to decide. If she goes, everything will change. Doesn't matter if anything happens or not. I felt that even if it's just a harmless presentation, I will still be branded by the doubt forever... Sophie and her boss, in two, in a hotel... I couldn't bear the knowledge. Around 1am I got to the decision: she will cancel the trip. We will say it was some sudden illness. From that I felt better and I finally fell asleep. But at five I was up again. I couldn't rest my brain, I thought Sophie has to decide. On her own. If I force her to, it's not worth a damn thing. She has to know what pain she causes if she goes.
But Sophie got up and started to pack her suitcase. I was watching silently, and I was waiting for her to suddenly stop and announce the no. Even the kids were rowing my boat: they were openly begging their mother to stay. But she just kept packing. I almost said I WON'T LET YOU GO when she started to sort her make-up things.
- I hope at least you take a few condoms? - I let it slip.
- Go f**** yourself! - she burst in front of the kids. - I go there to work, understand? Even if YOU don't know what that's like.
I let the irony pass my ears. I stepped towards her and tried to hug her, but she turned away and started to sort in her bathing suits with large, theatrical moves.
- You know, at first I thought I would say I'm on period and I won't go to the pool party, but after this I'm not so sure I'd do that – she hissed with her lips tightened, and tossed her tiniest, barely covering bikini in the suitcase
- Well if you won't even do so much for me, don't even come home! – I answered quickly and tried to snatch the bikini from her luggage.
She was faster than me and slammed the lid of the suitcase.
She was faster than me and slammed the lid of the suitcase.
- Well then I won't! - she said pouting.
- Mom, come home! You will come home, won't you? - the girls were begging.
- Don't worry, there won't be anything wrong. Mom goes to work. Be good!
She said goodbye to them - not to me -, and she rushed away.
- Daddy, what's gonna happen now? - my younger daughter asked, distressed.
- Nothing – I said, then added: - She goes just to work..., at least so I hope.
Ten minutes later my phone was ringing:
- If you want to swill, ask my father to take the kids! - she said coldly.
- I won't! - I answered and hung up.
„But not because I want to be a good babysitter” - I told myself, and I called my mother that I have a work meeting, Sophie is WORKING too, would she take the kids.
I had a better idea then sitting at home, chewing myself on what Sophie may be doing at the moment...
She arrived late to the cafe at Franz Liszt Square. She wore dark sunglasses, even though it was nasty and rainy outside. She didn't come to me immediately, first she carefully checked out all the locale. Maybe another two or three people were sitting there aside from us. First she looked through me as if I wasn't even there. I was about to stand up when she gave me a barely visible hand motion to stay still. She suddenly walked back to the door and looked back on the street. Just after this she sat down to the table. She looked worn, she must have lost a few pounds. The grey suit she wore to work was way loose on her. She had thick makeup on, but it still couldn't hide the bags under her eyes.
She called me an hour earlier, that we need to meet immediately. I asked her on the phone, but she wouldn't tell me why. I would've had an important meeting, but she begged me so hard I cancelled it.
That's when she told me about the morning of her trip:
- He watched me with blame in his eyes, I knew he was waiting for me to stop packing and tell him I'm not going anywhere, I won't leave you here. But then I had already decided: I only go to the official presentation, from the rest I will just pull out because of feminine problems.
The waiter came and Sophie went silent. She only continued after we ordered:
- He was watching with a keen eye what lingerie I take. It angered me to no end that he even thought anyone would see it, but still I tried to find my least sexy pieces. I don't know if he noticed it or not because he just kept staring with a blank face, never saying a word. Once I was done with the underwear, I asked him to bring me my towel. "You have to solve that yourself” - he answered, not clearing what he means on purpose, and he didn't move. But I didn't want to take the towel because of the wellness things. I always take one, because I had ended up without one before in a hotel, expecting they had one but no. I went out and grabbed one, about the size of a hand towel. I even laid it out so he can see it. No reaction. When I started to sort my makeup, he suddenly ordered me to put in a few condoms too.
Something broke. How can he be so profane?
She started crying. I put my hand on my shoulder and I tried to comfort her, saying that I know of a lot of people who always keep one on them. If it does happen, at least it won't have those kind of consequences.
- If it happens, it's all the same anyways – she said darkly and looked at me. I tried to read her eyes – not much luck.
She told me how bad a fight they had, and that Peter told her if she doesn't fake period, she shouldn't even go home. Sophie didn't even want to answer that then she won't, but she said she was unable to control herself. After this she couldn't reverse it in words, but she still tried to send messages to Peter on a level of gestures. She theatrically checked her bikini line in the mirror, and then she just flicked her hand and left it as-is. (I remembered from our old times that Sophie has always been maddeningly accurate about this, she wouldn't even wear a swimsuit in front of me if everything wasn't in its proper order.)
So I asked her, why is she telling it to me.
- Don't you see?
I didn't, but I didn't want to go into the spiel. Instead I gave the question straight:
- Sophie, did you cheat on him?
- Don't worry, there won't be anything wrong. Mom goes to work. Be good!
She said goodbye to them - not to me -, and she rushed away.
- Daddy, what's gonna happen now? - my younger daughter asked, distressed.
- Nothing – I said, then added: - She goes just to work..., at least so I hope.
Ten minutes later my phone was ringing:
- If you want to swill, ask my father to take the kids! - she said coldly.
- I won't! - I answered and hung up.
„But not because I want to be a good babysitter” - I told myself, and I called my mother that I have a work meeting, Sophie is WORKING too, would she take the kids.
I had a better idea then sitting at home, chewing myself on what Sophie may be doing at the moment...
She arrived late to the cafe at Franz Liszt Square. She wore dark sunglasses, even though it was nasty and rainy outside. She didn't come to me immediately, first she carefully checked out all the locale. Maybe another two or three people were sitting there aside from us. First she looked through me as if I wasn't even there. I was about to stand up when she gave me a barely visible hand motion to stay still. She suddenly walked back to the door and looked back on the street. Just after this she sat down to the table. She looked worn, she must have lost a few pounds. The grey suit she wore to work was way loose on her. She had thick makeup on, but it still couldn't hide the bags under her eyes.
She called me an hour earlier, that we need to meet immediately. I asked her on the phone, but she wouldn't tell me why. I would've had an important meeting, but she begged me so hard I cancelled it.
That's when she told me about the morning of her trip:
- He watched me with blame in his eyes, I knew he was waiting for me to stop packing and tell him I'm not going anywhere, I won't leave you here. But then I had already decided: I only go to the official presentation, from the rest I will just pull out because of feminine problems.
The waiter came and Sophie went silent. She only continued after we ordered:
- He was watching with a keen eye what lingerie I take. It angered me to no end that he even thought anyone would see it, but still I tried to find my least sexy pieces. I don't know if he noticed it or not because he just kept staring with a blank face, never saying a word. Once I was done with the underwear, I asked him to bring me my towel. "You have to solve that yourself” - he answered, not clearing what he means on purpose, and he didn't move. But I didn't want to take the towel because of the wellness things. I always take one, because I had ended up without one before in a hotel, expecting they had one but no. I went out and grabbed one, about the size of a hand towel. I even laid it out so he can see it. No reaction. When I started to sort my makeup, he suddenly ordered me to put in a few condoms too.
Something broke. How can he be so profane?
She started crying. I put my hand on my shoulder and I tried to comfort her, saying that I know of a lot of people who always keep one on them. If it does happen, at least it won't have those kind of consequences.
- If it happens, it's all the same anyways – she said darkly and looked at me. I tried to read her eyes – not much luck.
She told me how bad a fight they had, and that Peter told her if she doesn't fake period, she shouldn't even go home. Sophie didn't even want to answer that then she won't, but she said she was unable to control herself. After this she couldn't reverse it in words, but she still tried to send messages to Peter on a level of gestures. She theatrically checked her bikini line in the mirror, and then she just flicked her hand and left it as-is. (I remembered from our old times that Sophie has always been maddeningly accurate about this, she wouldn't even wear a swimsuit in front of me if everything wasn't in its proper order.)
So I asked her, why is she telling it to me.
- Don't you see?
I didn't, but I didn't want to go into the spiel. Instead I gave the question straight:
- Sophie, did you cheat on him?
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