Review meeting about the first show meant to go on air. Present: the programming director of the channel; B., the producer; M., the editor-in-chief; Miss Sylvie, "show host"; Mark, the other editor; myself and also the secretary and a bunch of interns. We re-edited the show three times (I was sitting in the mounting chamber until morning), you can't make gold of mud. As an old mentor of mine said, it's "crap as it is", hence you can't make it any better. Sylvie is catastrophic, endlessly mannerly, like a veterinary student's horse that suffers from every possible illness as she makes every single mistake an amateur can make - and in mistaking she's on a higher than amateur level. And to top if off, from every single word she utters, stupidness just shines. I finally wrote her questions word by word, and to no avail: she went in to B., came back and told me off for forcing my wrong(!) concept on her, she will just go and think up what she is curious about. (In parenthesis: she's not curious about anything else than herself, and even that just barely...)
So there we are, watching the show, I'm trying to sink and disappear I'm so ashamed to be linked to this horror. Even though the problem is not with the editing, but I absolutely know that in this field, if the show is good, it's all because of the host, but if the show is bad, it's all the editor's fault. (My respect to all the exceptions, because there do exist a few hosts who may be in the limelight of success and don't forget that it had to be the common effort of many many people that he can shine - but those are becoming few and far between.)
The cast list rolls, then silence. I would love to see into the others' brains, but I will have to content myself with what they say. And that is a catastrophe in my regards. But I know it's not true that they don't know what's wrong!
The programming director speaks first, he thanks us for the work, then passes the word on to the producer and adds that he will comment very last. B. speaks really long and really murky, the gist after all is that we "need something bigger, something bigger of a bang". I can feel the noose tightening around my neck. M. is up next. She tries to be objective, and to bring up professional arguments. She criticizes Sylvie very carefully, and says a few good notices about the edition. She won't attack me, she knows exactly that if she did so at this forum she would weaken herself too. If the show is badly edited, that's her fault too: why didn't she get the mistakes corrected.
Then comes Mark and starts to smack the show down. He even made notes. He's the neato-on-duty coworker who takes the whole review seriously. He passes by Miss Sylvie in a few words: try to be even more(!) natural. Here I almost already interrupted that "even more" supposes that she is already natural, at least a tiny little bit. But Sylvie is such a mannequin as she is, she's mannerism personified.
B. nods in agreement, the others' faces are unreadable, I'm remaining silent. And Mark moves on to the detailed analysis, smacking the editing ti death. He's not right, or maybe only in a few bits here and there, thing of which he knows exactly that Sylvie forced them into the final version, with the effective support from B.'s side. But he doesn't care the littlest about this, and B. with his excited nodding just pours more oil over the fire. My brain just explodes, and I interrupt, but then the programming director shoos me back, that my version will be heard afterwards. Mark, that sweetheart closes his rants with the phrase that we need something of a bigger bang.
I could kill him. At first I thought we could be friends, and now he attacks me slyly, I can see it's not because of stupidity, he knows what the bids are, he wants to knock me out.
Miss Sylvie also smacks me, but from her I expected nothing else. But I still do groan when she says I didn't prepare her well enough. That's too much even for M., she stands up on my side.
B. closes the debate and hammers in the last few nails into my coffin. He criticizes even those bits that he himself allowed in because of Sylvie's nagging. When I mention this to him, with the greatest peace of mind he just says that the idea is good, just not the context in which it was realized.
It's my turn. I take Sylvie apart, then I mention a few ideas how to make the show better. That reached the spot with the programming director, he ended the meeting with saying we should do what I suggested.
I burst out of the office first. If I could've gotten Mark into my hands, I would've strangled him.
I always hated review meetings. I saw a modern realization of "divide and conquer" in them, all in a profession where there are no objective grades. What makes a show good? Number of viewers? Then is really Oprah, Judge Alex or a daytime soap opera the peak of television? Nope, and tv personnel now that. (And I have gotten bad and worse for a show that broke all kinds of viewing records...) A good show is the one that is called so by those who have the saying. Just these don't happen to be the critiques, but those with power. So the review meeting is also all about power: you can publicly execute whoever doesn't have anyone behind their backs. The really disgusting part is that the executioner is no one else but your colleague with whom you are supposed to form a team. But it's only supposed, because he has Someone behind him, Somebody who has the saying. Or he's just stupid enough not to realize what it's all about. According to my own experiences, the first type is the majority...
After the initial shock, the atmosphere at the company seem to slowly calm back down. A few people quit voluntarily, two people retired and the language education department broke out into their own company and work for us in outsourcing now. So those who stay only had to let go of a few benefits. The lethargy (mainly because of John) has slowly changed into optimism: together we can win over the recession, we will stop, what's more, turn back on the slope. And miracles, as we become stronger in our minds, new, promising discussions start with new partners about new orders. Seems as if it is really all decided in our head. It's a pity I can't say so about my private life.
But I decided to do everything to save our marriage. Because the girls need a father, and I need a husband. We can't throw away everything, ten years, all the memories together because of a few worse months in our lives. Peter and I paid a huge initial price for our relationship. If we give it up now, we will retroactively make all those things unforgivable. Then we thought that fate meant us to be together, even if this causes pain to others...
Yesterday, after weeks we finally talked again, just like in the old days. We listened to each other and we really wanted to solve the problems. Peter told me all about the new host, M., B., the review meeting. I can see how he suffers. He knows all about making shows, but nothing about stirring shit, shining himself or telling long tales. And even though now I wouldn't feel so bad if he was just a bit less scrupulous, I try to remind myself that usually that's why I liked him, that he's not like that.
Maybe I should send John's connections against the company? I never mentioned that to Peter, I know exactly that John is a "persona non grata" for him, not even mentioning how humiliating he would find it if it was exactly my boss acting in his favor. (And it would be.)
I did mention though,what if Peter just quit (in the meantime, I tried not to think of the dangerously quickly emptying checking account). Now he wasn't all against it. He said he would correct the show so they won't think he ran away from the challenge, then give them one more week, and if there's still no contract or money, he's quitting.
I also asked him all about M. If there was any sort of a harmony between them, it was over. He can't appreciate her anymore because she's too weak and calculates everywhere. Peter finally realized that M. is only granting him so much attention, she's only being so nice because she needs her against B. Or to knock Sylvie out of the saddle so she can conquer B.'s bed on her own... And for that she wants to pay Peter with a few mean-it-as-you-will gestures instead of getting him a contract and standing up for him.
We also mentioned our finances. Since he touched our money, I keep the keys to the treasury and only give him money for the most necessary things. So he didn't even know how bad we are. I could see he was interested in where all the savings went, but he didn't ask. Instead, he tried to calm me by saying that if we do go down, he will borrow from his parents. But I know that if he had the choice, he would rather rob a bank than borrow from his parents. His parents kept nagging him that if he joined them in the family business, he would be a rich man now.
At night he moved back in next to me from the study that he converted into a gym, where he has been sleeping in the last few weeks. His sheets smelled like a high school locker room. But that's not why nothing has happened (there is such a degree in missing sex when such a detail doesn't matter anymore). I think he's afraid of failure. I didn't force him, we talked until morning and that was a lot more than what I got from him in the last few hopeless months.
